


As Much As I Ever Could

by Kummerspeck7



Category: Royal Pains
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nostalgia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22043599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kummerspeck7/pseuds/Kummerspeck7
Summary: Boris' perspective told in flashback from their separation to their first kiss. Hank's perspective as they unwittingly reunite and work through their issues.
Relationships: Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz/Hank Lawson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	As Much As I Ever Could

_The waves lap at the hull of my sea boat._

_Hank is gone. He's not coming back, and it's completely my fault._

_I can't forget the last time I saw him._

It was an auspicious day. The sunlight was warm with a gentle breeze that came and went. The ocean was nothing more than a quiet murmur in the background, a pleasant backdrop for our breakfast. I sipped at an espresso while looking over the newspaper. Hank was quiet, gazing off into the distance.

“I have to go.” He said suddenly as he stood.

“Of course. I'll see you tonight.”

Maybe he looked a little tight around the eyes, maybe his jaw was slightly tensed. It could have been a difficult patient or his father's antics or a thousand other things; Hank would talk about it when he was ready. He always did. Any worries I had were assuaged when he bent down to kiss me, fingers lingering and warm against my cheek. It was exactly like the hundreds of other kisses he'd given me as he left for work.

“I love you.” He breathed.

“And I, you.”

I almost asked why he seemed somber, but didn't. Three hours later he burst into my office brandishing a stack of papers.

“What is this?” Hank demanded as he stormed over to my desk.

I took the glasses off the bridge of my nose. “And what is it I am presumed to have done?”

He tossed the stack of papers face down in front of me. I moved to pick them up, but he pressed his hand down on top of the pile.

“Actually, why don't you tell me?” He asked through a twisted half smile.

I looked at him blankly.

“You don't even know which I'm talking about.” He muttered to himself. Something dark and foreboding nagged at me. “You're apparently hiding so many things from me that you're not even sure which one I found out about.”

“Hank-” I started.

“No. You tell me, right now, what you're hiding. If you finish talking and you haven't mentioned what's on these papers... I walk.”

Something changed. He was possessed by a cold fury I hadn't seen before. How many times had he asked me not to keep secrets. How many times had we argued about this? I tried to think of the most likely information he had run across. My mouth was dry. For the first time in my life no words would come to my assistance. I just sat there, silent.

Hank didn't say goodbye. He didn't say anything, just turned and left. I watched him get farther away. I watched him walk back through the door. Then he was gone.

The papers were still on my desk. He was right-- I didn't know what he'd learned. I put a finger on them and absently felt the smoothness. I considered looking to see why Hank was leaving me, but it was unnecessary. He wasn't leaving because of the pages, he was leaving because I'd kept secrets from him. So many secrets.

“Udo,” I called to the man I knew was waiting just outside the door. He quietly appeared around the corner, as I knew he would. “Make sure Doctor Lawson receives anything he wants or needs. I will be spending a short while on the seaboat.”

_The gulls screech through the air._

_I feel as if I'm drunk though I haven't had a drink. My head is thick and spinning, bile rises at the back of my throat._

_I can't forget the first time I told him I loved him._

“Who's going to be the banker?” Hank asked, plucking a shoe from the pile of little pewter figurines.

“It would make the most sense if it were me.” I suggested.

“Respectfully, Boris, you've never even played.” Evan said with a suspicious smile. “I'll be banker!”

“Oh, please.” Divya objected. “You'll just cheat. I'll be banker.”

“Any objections?” Hank paused. “Okay, let's get this show on the road.”

Monopoly, as it turned out, was immensely enjoyable. Buying, selling, brokering alliances only to break them--it was 'right up my alley', just as Hank had promised. Divya bankrupted first, having overextended herself. Hank followed shortly after. Evan held on as long as he could until only his wife and I were left vying for victory.

"I hold you in high regards Mrs Lawson, but I do not intend to lose." I promised while handing her yet another twelve hundred dollars. I hadn't been concerned when she was haphazardly collecting low value properties, but now she owned two thirds of the board and was rapidly building.

"Woah. Is Boris trash talking my wife?" Evan asked excitedly. "Babe, he's totally trash taking you. You've got him on the ropes and he knows it!"

"She is quite the shark, Evan. I'm certain you recall my fondness for those, no?" I asked placidly. Evan shuffled in his seat.

Hank shot me an unimpressed look, even as he defended me. "Don't count Boris out yet. I've never seen him lose unless he wanted to."

The game raged on as we traded the lead back and forth until a victor was proclaimed. I hardly noticed the hours passing until everyone began to depart and it was back to Hank and I reclining on the sofa.

“Your face as you realized you had no chance against Paige! I tried to warn you about her.” Hank laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

“You shouldn't give tips to your opponents.” I reminded him as I put my drink on the table and sank back into his arms.

He wound his fingers around mine. Only four months had passed since the start of our courtship, but I was already certain I could spend the rest of my life with him. I would never grow tired of his company. Hank had become my refuge and my solace; he was more my home than Shadow Pond.

“Yeah, but I love you.”

He was smiling like he had remarked on a nice day, not like he'd changed my entire world.

His hand moved from where it had rested on my shoulder to caress my cheek, fingers feathering my jaw as he leaned in to kiss me. There was something new there-- a steadfastness that hadn't been there before. His gentle yet sure touch was the same, the tender press of his lips against mine hadn't changed; but for the first time I knew he saw a future with me. For the first time I wasn't the only one who could see forever.

Shortly after Eddie R Lawson's odious return I'd asked Hank how he had forgiven his father. I simply could not understand it. He just laughed and told me he didn't know how to stop loving someone. Once he loved someone he loved them forever. And now? Now he loved me.

“I love you, Hank.” I murmured earnestly. It was more than a declaration-- it was a promise; a vow. “I will protect you from harm, I will cherish you, I will never stop loving you. Du bist die Liebe meines Lebens.”

_The sea sprays me with flecks of foam._

_The droplets glitter in the air, on my skin. It reminds me of a different time, a better time. A time when Hank was mine and the entire world was available for our enjoyment._

_I remember the first time we made love._

The Caribbean sky sprawled endlessly before us as our sailboat skimmed effortlessly over the surface of the crystal clear water. Hank watched me man the lines, a hunger in his eyes that had nothing to do with food.

“Tack!” I called out as the boom began to swing and the sail cracked.

“What?” Hank yelled back over the roar of the wind and waves.

It was too late. The sailboat was small, slightly less than fifteen feet in length, and as such the boom was light. It was still enough to startle him into tumbling backwards into the sea.

“Hank!” I called out as I dropped the line and dove in after him.

I broke through the surface of the water to the sound of him laughing a few feet away. I swum over, needing to ascertain that he was without injury.

“You're kind of a goofball.” He said as he brushed back my hair.

“Can't say I've ever been accused of that before.” I responded while looking him over for injuries. “Are you alright?”

He laughed. “I'm fine. Though it's a little weird to be on this side of the question.”

Fortunately the sailboat had drifted towards us, not away. I grabbed a handhold on the side of the vessel.

“Would you like to climb in first?” I asked politely.

“After you, Baywatch.” He teased.

I launched myself over the side somewhat less elegantly than I would have preferred, but still managed to land on my feet.

"Give me your hand and put your foot on the hold." I instructed.

He held tight to my wrist appreciatively and used the handhold to push himself up and over the side with his opposite foot. Just as his feet were about to touch the deck a small wave rocked the boat, knocking me off balance and sending us both crashing to the floor.

“Are you okay?” Hank asked. He was straddling my waist, hands on my chest, looking sun kissed and wet and far more alluring than any human had a right to be.

“Of course.” I breathed. I wanted him. I could feel myself hardening at his nearness.

“Take off your shirt and let's dry off.” Hank suggested as he removed his own and tossed it over the boom to dry.

“Take it off for me?” I asked huskily.

A slow, sultry grin crossed his face as he nodded in assent. A month had passed since that night in the car and with each day we pushed a little further into uncharted territory. His fingers reached out slowly, unfastening each button with a teasing hint of skin on skin. He nuzzled my throat as it was revealed, tongue darting out to catch a rivulet of water at the hallow. I couldn't stop a gruff moan from escaping as he impatiently pulled open my shirt to run his palms over my stomach.

"Lucky me." He growled huskily as his hands moved over my body.

I arched into the palms of his hands, wanting more. I always wanted more. He was driving me insane with that mouth of his on my neck, his body writhing against mine, making noises that should be illegal. I cupped his ass in my greedy hands and dragged him closer.

“Please, Boris. I need you.”

It was like being in University all over again; the desperate, frenetic desire to feel every inch of his heated flesh against mine. I grabbed him by the hair and dragged his mouth to mine. The friction was already incredible and then Hank rolled his hips and I nearly forgot how to breathe. There was too much clothing between us--I could tear the shorts off of him, but then what? We were in full view on a boat in the open, we didn't have supplies, there wasn't even a chair on board--let alone a bed. It was a bad idea.

It took every ounce of willpower to pull back. “We should probably stop.”

“Probably.” Hank agreed with a nod, not moving from my lap. “Or…”

“Or?”

“We could keep going.” He murmured while he unfastened my shorts.

“You are-- That is very tempting.” I managed as my hands found their way back to the taut musculature of his back. “What might that entail?”

“Anything you want.” He promised with that saucy little grin of his. “Check my back pocket.”

I did as he suggested. My fingers closed around the travel sized container of lubricant and condom packet.

We had a picnic blanket somewhere I could spread out. I could never deny Hank. Not that it was a hardship.

_The sun is so bright it's almost blinding._

_I can feel my skin burning. I've been out here for a few days now. I can't eat. Occasionally I sleep, but I can't seem to wake up more rested._

_I remember the first time we kissed._

“Hey, Boris?” Hank asked suddenly as the valet handed him his keys.

“Yes?”

A grin spread across his face. “When's the last time you drove a car?”

The Saab careened down the Long Island Expressway at midnight as we headed back from our meeting and dinner in the city. Hank had an arm casually thrown around the back of my seat while I drove hell for leather through the warm night.

“I see why you love this car so much.” I admitted as I shifted gears. “She's got real personality.”

“See! You get it. It's about character, not torque or horsepower or how fast she can go." Hank said as he began to flip through the radio stations.

"She goes pretty fast, Hank." I responded offhandedly.

For some reason I liked that he'd used his right hand to find the station, leaving his left around the back of my seat. His head was almost leaning on my shoulder. I tried to focus on the highway but my mind kept getting distracted. I would not object if he wished to rest his head. It was a long drive, it was late, we were very close--He could lean on me and close his eyes. I wouldn't mind.

"I love this song!" He exclaimed, turning up the radio's volume until the song was louder than the wind whipping around us. Apparently he was not fatigued in the least. I swallowed the offer before it left my tongue.

**-'Cause, baby, I'm just a scared and lonely rider**   
**But I gotta know how it feels**   
**I want to know if love is wild**   
**Babe, I want to know if love is real-**

"Springsteen? My Hamptons-dwelling, scotch-sipping, chess-playing doctor friend-- I believe your Passaic is showing." I yelled over the din, momentary disappointment nearly forgotten.

He laughed good naturedly. "How do you not song along with Bruce? The best part is coming up--"

**-One, two, three, four!**   
**There's something in the air tonight**   
**And we've got no place to hide-**

Hank smacked his hand against the dash in time with the music. His movements were so relaxed, his expression so contented. I felt that familiar magnetic pull towards him; a desire to feel closer I did not fully understand. Truthfully desire was too weak a word for the all-encompassing need I felt to experience things with him. I opened my mouth to reply and instead found myself singing along.

Hank grinned at me as if I'd done something magnificent.

**-Together we can live with the sadness**   
**I'll love you with all the madness in my soul-**

I took the last exit from the Expressway to 117. With the majority of our trip behind us it occurred to me that I should not have driven so quickly; I could have drawn out the evening and savored his company. I looked over at Hank as we pulled up to the red light. He was staring back at me, not smiling, no longer singing along.

I couldn't quite identity the look on his face, but it felt somehow familiar. His strong jaw was cast in shadow. His unruly hair was tousled from the wind. His green-hazel eyes were locked on my lips-- Suddenly all of the little things I'd always noticed about him came together like a puzzle. I was deeply attracted to Hank.

I had fallen for my closest friend without even realizing it. Every uncharacteristic moment in his presence-- The intense desire to be with him, how my pulse raced when he was near, why his smile always seemed to bring forth one of my own. They were all symptoms of my fondness for him. Our eyes locked as I finally tore my gaze away from his slightly parted lips and I was struck by the sudden realization that his expression looked so familiar because he felt the same way. The sudden attraction had come upon us both stealthily and unexpectedly. Neither of us were sure what came next, both desperate to figure it out in the warm embrace of the night.

Should we discuss it? Or--

**-Oh, Someday- I don't know when**   
**We're gonna get to that place**   
**Where we really wanna go-**

I kissed him. Or perhaps he kissed me. Suddenly our mouths were crushed together and his fingers were running through my hair while my hands pulled him in closer. His lips opened beneath mine and I immediately responded, sweeping my tongue into his mouth. As he leaned closer and moaned I heard the same five words repeating over and over in my head-- Boris, you are in trouble. Boris, you are in trouble. Boris, you are in trouble.

I could feel him in my ribcage, as much a part of me as my own heart. Without us even noticing our connection had deepened. Our lives grown more intertwined; he met my friends and associates, I attended the HankMed dinner parties with those he held dear. We traveled together and ate together and talked together until dawn. His smile warmed a part of me I had thought was lost to time. Kissing Hank felt so natural, so completely right. I wanted more. I wanted to map every inch of his skin with my fingertips and hold him close every day for the rest of our lives.

A honk from behind brought us back to reality--The light had turned green. I looked at him for a moment, not sure what to say as I shifted into first gear.

“How fast can you get us home?” Hank purred suggestively.

My foot was already leaden on the gas.

**-And we'll walk in the sun**   
**But 'til then, tramps like us**   
**Baby, we were born to run-**

_The sea sprawls out endlessly before me, behind me, around me._

_I wonder if Hank has moved out. I wonder if he's buying the home he admired on Hank Road, or if he's decided to finally take that Doctors Without Borders trip he's always thought about. I wonder if he's thinking of me; if he’ll walk Shadow Pond one last time before he goes. I wonder if he'll think about our last fight, our last kiss. I wonder if he'll walk by the parlor where he saved April's life. Where it all began._

_I remember the first time I saw him._

He was the first thing my gaze feel upon when I entered the room. How could I notice anything else? Calm and collected in the midst of chaos and uncertainty. There was something magnetic about him, something undeniably real. I was drawn to him in the way that everyone seemed to be.

He looked up at me with a hard expression. “You mean no cops.”

He was singular in his desire. He had to help April, everything else came second. My money, my title, my power--all meant nothing to him. I was more than intrigued; I was fascinated.

“Private security, high priced… Former Mossad?”

I think I loved him even then. I felt the click in my soul, I felt reality shift and the earth tilt. There was never a question that he would change my life forever-- The surprise was how much he could encourage me to be a better, kinder, more courageous man. I hadn't expected to like myself more as my love for him grew.

I hadn't known how quickly it all could end.

_The waves lap at the hull of my sea boat._

0-0-0-0-0

I stepped onto the boat like I'd done a thousand times before, but this time was different. I wasn't a guest and I wasn't Boris’ partner. I was a doctor, just a doctor.

“Where is he?” I asked Khalil brusquely as he approached.

He frowned. “Follow me.”

I nearly snapped that I knew my way around, but held back. They clearly hadn't wanted to call me, and I had been very clear that coming was not my first choice.

He needs medical attention, Doctor Lawson.

That was the only information I'd gotten. It was the only information I'd ever needed to help someone. I grabbed my bag and headed out the door, not even sure where Boris was. It had taken a couple of hours to get from my temporary room at the Sail Inn to where the Majestät was drifting at sea. It gave me too much time to think, watching the water cresting and crashing below the pontoon plane.

Was he okay?

Did he want to see me?

Did I make the right decision?

We turned a corner and entered the sundeck. It took me a second to recognize him. Boris was reclined limply in a deck chair; his shoes, socks, button down, tie, and suit coat in the seat opposite. His skin was blistered by the sun and wind.

“Boris?” I asked as I neared him. He didn't move. “How long has he been like this?”

Khalil looked at me pointedly.

Oh.

I grabbed the penlight from my pocket and gently lifted one of Boris’ eyelids.

“Eyes unfocused, sluggish pupillary responses, you should call 911.” I said mostly out of habit. “Since I know you won't, please help me get him into the bed downstairs.”

I'd taken care of Boris a lot over the years, I'd seen him naked and nearly naked dozens of times before we got involved--but as I pulled his arm over my shoulder to lift him I felt like I was somehow crossing a line. I could feel the warmth of his body against mine. His head lolled onto my shoulder as I wrapped my other arm around his waist, his hair brushing my cheek. I missed him. I missed him so much. I ached for him and it was so inappropriate. He wasn't even conscious; I should never have agreed to come, not when I couldn't be impartial.

Khalil mirrored my hold on Boris' right side and together we hoisted him up. The man was much heavier than his trim build suggested. Even with help it took the two of us almost fifteen minutes to get him down the flight of stairs and through the narrow hallways into the master suite. I kept a hand on his wrist, feeling his thready pulse beneath my fingers. His skin alternated between hot and clammy in a worrying way.

"Let's lay him down gently on three." I instructed.

Whatever his personal opinion of me was right now, Khalil stayed perfectly neutral. We got Boris into bed, then Khalil left to deal with the pontoon plane. I took a long look at my former partner, his hair unkempt and his beard growing in.

“What did you do to yourself this time?” I asked him, knowing he couldn't hear me.

It had been five days since I'd left. Five days since I'd heard his voice, five days since I'd talked to him. Five days wandering a cramped hotel room unable to believe how fast everything had changed. Five days trapped with my thoughts, desperate for house calls just to get out of my own existence. Even then… news traveled quickly. By the second day most of my patients knew, by the fourth people started asking for Divya or Jeremiah so I could take some time off.

“I have to admit I'm impressed.” I told him with a shake of my head. “You look worse than I feel, and I wasn't sure that was possible up until an hour ago.”

I knew I didn't look great, either. I wasn't sleeping or eating. My clothes were getting loose and there were bags under my eyes. I thought about running but just couldn't seem to get myself out the door. I didn't want to run into anyone we knew. I wasn't ready to face the outside world where anyone could casually ask about Boris. I'd have to tell them we weren't together, and I just couldn't. It hurt too much.

“I can't be in a relationship with someone who lies to me. With someone who doesn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. I know I made the right choice, Boris. But God it hurts.” I swiped an alcohol pad over the crux of his arm. He was too warm, I'd have to keep an eye out for infection. “I don't have to tell you how much being away from you hurts. I love you so much. So much, Boris. Why can't you just trust me?”

In Grey's Anatomy his eyes would have fluttered open. He would have answered with some poetic anecdote. I settled back into a chair and closed my eyes. I had to stop watching so much Netflix.

It was still dark out when an uneasy feeling woke me up. Something was wrong. I dug through my bag and grabbed the temporal scanner to take some vitals. I didn't realize how hot Boris was until I went to push back his hair. The skin of his forehead burned against my palm, angry and starting to blister.

“Shit.” I muttered, grabbing for ibuprofen in my bag. Things clattered together in the dark as I looked for the liquid form.

He was staring at me when I turned back around, blue eyes nearly glowing in the dim cabin light.

"You're here." He remarked quietly, bringing me back to action.

"Yeah." I agreed. "I'm going to give you some ibuprofen. For the fever."

He was quiet as he measured out a response.

"Are you… Alright with being here?" Boris finally asked.

I looked at the empty space beside him, the spot that used to be my side of the bed. I looked at the blanket that had been a gift from a pro bono patient and the headboard I'd held onto as he came into me just a few weeks ago. Then I looked back at him, the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.

"I wish I were here under different circumstances." I answered.

His eyes flicked away. “I operate a major Swiss bank. I look the other way while people avoid taxes and launder money. I protect them and their ill gotten gains. I make business deals that you would find deplorable. I brush elbows with people you would find reprehensible. You wouldn't-- You couldn't live with me if I told you everything.”

In my head I knew we shouldn't get into it. He needed to rest. But I didn't want to stop him. I could feel it in my bones--If I stopped him now, he'd respect my decision to end our relationship. He'd leave me alone and I'd spend the rest of my life wondering: What if?

“Boris, I know your business is unsavory. I get that not everything is simple, especially in your world. I don't feel guilty not telling you about my patients, that's not the kind of withholding I'm worried about.”

“There have been credible threats against your life. Against your family, against HankMed. I've lost my father. My mother. My brother. My favorite cousin tried to have me killed and then died. Dieter tried to kill me. I have lost everyone who has ever mattered to me, Hank. Everyone except you. I won't lose you.” He paused for a moment, his tongue wetting his lips as he considered his next words. “I love you more than any of the words in all the languages I speak can express. I love you more than logic or reason can explain. You are the only thing in my life that I care about, Hank--The singular thing that matters to me beyond a passing interest. So if I can't have you, if you can't live with the life I’m offering, at least I'll know you're alive. At least you'll be safe. That's all I care about.”

Something suddenly clicked for me. “Everyone you've ever let get close has either betrayed you or died… Until me.”

His head tilted in a curt nod. “I will not spend the extra forty, fifty years you have given me regretting it came at the cost of your life. You can't be next.”

“You've never told me any of this before. Why?”

“I love you. I want to protect you, to keep you safe from all harm. You are…” He shook his head. “Everything that is good in my world. Knowing that people want to kill you--It changes you. You stop trusting, it eats away at you, it distorts how you see the world until one day you look in the mirror and can't even recognize yourself. It's been my whole life, Hank. From the time I was a young child I knew not to leave the estate, always to have security, that my own relatives would harm me given the slightest chance. I know that to a lot of people I am worth more dead than alive and it has changed me in ways that I do not like or wish to describe. Being close to you is the closest I have ever come to feeling secure, to feeling safe. I can't have that for you.”

"I can't imagine growing up like you did. But I think I've earned more credit than you're giving me. Your experiences changed you--but you were also a child, Boris. I'm not. I know the world can be a horrible place. Being an ER doctor, the things I saw--" I thought back to the mangled bodies and broken spirits I'd helped stitch back together. "I've seen more than my share of horror. But I've also seen things that give me hope. I see the world as mostly good."

"You've taught me joy and light-heartedness, Henry Lawson." For just a moment he smiled at me and it felt like seeing sunshine for the first time in a week. Then it was gone and the weariness around his eyes was back. "But you've also taught me that I can be more worried for someone else's life than I am for my own. You've taught me the absolute terror of fearing for someone I cannot protect or control.You won't let me properly protect you--and I have to, Hank. I could not live with the burden of knowing that I could have saved you somehow."

“You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone anymore, Boris. I never thought-- I didn't think about how long you've been carrying your mantle. What it must be like to be entirely self reliant for almost your entire life. I took care of my mom and Evan, but you rebuilt an empire. You restored a fortune and survived attempts on your life while I studied.”

“Don't downplay your existence, Hank.” He said sharply. “I made money. You saved lives. You saved me.”

“Boris, you don't have to do it alone any more. I don't want you to. I want to be your partner, I want you to rely on me like I rely on you. I don't need every security report but I need to know when you're helping my father evade the law or when someone is considering killing me. Let me help carry the load. Can you do that?”

“I-” He paused, then started again. “It will take time and effort. I may need reminding that you do not want the complete protection I would prefer to provide.”

I took his hand in mine, careful not to brush his burns. My thumb swept lightly over the skin on the inside of his wrist. “I can do that.”

There was a long moment of silence. He clearly wanted to say something but couldn't seem to get it out. I just sat there, holding his hand, waiting.

“You are the love of my life, Hank.” He finally managed. “Will you come home?”

I thought about the first time we met, how off kilter he made me feel. I'd lashed out about the Gardeners and he took my side. He brought me to his office and sat me in that ridiculous chair, then offered me a guesthouse to stay in. I left his party and he haunted my thoughts.

I thought about our first kiss, how surprised I was when he started singing along to Bruce Springsteen. He said 'I'll love you with all the madness in my soul', and I wanted to know what that would feel like. The light turned red and I couldn't control myself. I feasted on his lips, breathed shared air, pulled him in so close I wasn't sure if I could ever let go.

I thought about the night we played Monopoly and how he'd gone easy on Evan. I remembered the look on his face when he realized he couldn't beat Paige, the slow smile as he appreciated her strategy. As soon as they were gone I couldn't stop myself. I loved him. I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone except my brother-- and as Boris liked to tease 'there was no lack of competition'.

I thought about the ring, the one tucked carefully in his jacket pocket. The one I'd accidentally found weeks ago while grabbing his phone for him.

I thought about forever, growing old with Boris by my side. The feel of his hand in mine. The touch of his lips on mine. I'd asked him to trust me to share the load. Now it was my turn to trust him.

“I'm already here, aren't I?”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Years! Sorry I'm taking so long with chapter 3 of Getting to Know You, here's something I've been working on intermittently for the last two years XD I promise the new chapter will be up soon.


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